Whether you like the inclusion of AFC Richmond in FIFA 23 or not, it’s another sign of how transcendent the show has become.
Admittedly, the hand-wringing over the Greyhounds’ video game debut feels a bit rich. How DARE they include a fictional team in a video game that also allows you to wholly invent players and managers out of thin air? Regardless of how you view the Jason Sudeikis-led comedy, the team’s FIFA ratings also help us dissect the show a little bit deeper. Specifically: how good are the players on an AFC Richmond side that (spoiler alert) endured relegation?
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To better draw some real-world comparisons, we’ve used FIFA ratings database site SoFIFA to find the closest real Premier League players for each Richmond character. We looked beyond a player’s overall rating to try to compare physical and technical abilities, as well as player-specific traits. Then, we took stock of our lineup of doppelgängers to estimate how Richmond would fare in a real Premier League season. It’s not the most scientific process, but like the show and the game, it’s all just a bit of entertainment.
Ratings accurate as of SoFIFA database date October 7, 2022
Goalkeeper: Thierry Zoreaux —76 overall, 77 potential
Thierry Zoreaux is a former MLS goalkeeper who is capable of making a big stop for AFC Richmond. Having played eight games for the Montreal Impact, the Canadian is now a dependable shot-stopper for the Greyhounds. Although he was born and raised south of the Canadian border, Matt Turner (77 overall) also made a move from MLS to the Premier League to serve as a backup. Like Zoreaux, one would assume Turner would be ready to step in if Arsenal starter Aaron Ramsdale “tore his butt,” and it’s certain that Turner’s last name would be easier for Lasso to pronounce than Zoreaux (not Zorro).
Plus: Turner has already spent time with most of the show’s cast!
Center backs: Isaac McAdoo and Jan Maas — 80 and 77 overall, 83 and 77 potential
Captain. Leader. Barber. It’s tough to find a true equivalent for all that McAdoo provides to AFC Richmond, but going purely by the ratings, West Ham’s Kurt Zouma is the closest comparison (80 overall, although McAdoo is a bit better at shooting and Zouma is a bit better at passing). At the other center back spot, Brighton’s Adam Webster (76 overall) is close to hilariously blunt Dutchman Jan Maas. The two are even about the same height and kind of look alike.
Fullbacks: George Goodman and Ash Dixon —79 and 78 overall, 79 and 81 potential
We can hear you asking yourself: have I seen George and Ash in the show? You haven’t, but AFC Richmond’s in-show squad features Arlo Dixon at right back and Jeff Goodman (named after comedian Ed Goodman, apparently) on the left. We can’t imagine the identity crisis these fictional characters are experiencing as they fire up FIFA 23. Arlo/Ash is better at working the overlap and trying an occasional shot, while George/Jeff prefers to dribble and cross. All told, Dixon is essentially a slightly younger Séamus Coleman (76 overall) with slightly less strength (just a 53 rating for the Richmond man). On the left, Goodman’s selfless, all-around approach is a virtual dead ringer for Liverpool defender Konstantinos Tsimikas (77 overall). Surely the two Merseyside men will get along just fine.
Right midfielder: Sam Obisanya —81 overall, 88 potential
He wasn’t one of the early stars in season one, but Obisanya blossomed into a very dependable option on the right flank. He’s an expert at tracking back on defense. In fact, few real-life wide men are as adept at playing in all phases of the game these days, as many teams opt for wingers instead of wide midfielders. And deep down, it’s hard not to root for Obisanya given his affable nature and ability to stand up for what he believes in. Bukayo Saka (82 overall) represents the game’s closest comparison, coming near to replicating Obisanya’s defensive awareness without sacrificing any pace, finishing chops or general pleasantness.
Defensive midfielder: Roy Kent —83 overall, 83 potential
The obvious comparison for Kent would be Roy Keane, but the Irishman’s FUT Icons ratings are out of reach for the near-retirement version of Kent that’s in the game. As it stands, Tottenham’s Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg (83 overall) and Liverpool’s Jordan Henderson (83 overall) carry the more similar ratings. Would either of those guys have the same aversion to being a member of the Diamond Dogs? Tough to say. But Kent and Henderson both got their start at Sunderland, and it seems within the realm of possibility that the latter would also secretly know all the words to “Let It Go.”
Central midfielder: Moe Bumbercatch —79 overall, 82 potential
It’s tough to find an exact match for the man with a name inspired by Benedict Cumberbatch, but the closest we found is Wolverhampton’s Matheus Nunes (79 overall). The Portuguese is taller, a bit more physical and has a better shot than Bumbercatch, but both are well-balanced central midfielders in the game.
Left midfielder: Colin Hughes —78 overall, 78 potential
Formerly of Cardiff City, Hughes comes into his own as a team player after Jamie Tartt initially leaves AFC Richmond. While he’s fleet-footed and has some impressive tricks in his bag, he’s far less comfortable on the open road. Despite owning a Lamborghini, Hughes is unable to drive and ends up burning his keys to break a team-wide curse. His on-field doppelganger has similar taste in cars, as Everton’s Anthony Gordon was pictured filling his own Lambo over the summer —with a vanity plate reading “AG10 BOY.” While Chelsea and FIFA (84 potential) both think Gordon has a chance to be better than Hughes, his 75 overall rating and similar dribbling and pace ratings bring him into the fold for our team.
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Striker: Jamie Tartt —84 overall, 91 potential
As we’ve previously noted, the character of Jamie Tartt seems heavily inspired by Manchester City’s Jack Grealish, but the version of Jamie Tartt in FIFA 23 is a bit more similar to Arsenal’s Gabriel Jesus (83 overall). Like Tartt, he spent time at Manchester City before being cast aside by Pep Guardiola. In the game, Tartt is a standout as both a striker and a No. 10 with a variety of specialties, but Gabriel Jesus has the better overall workrate, which means Mikel Arteta has likely never had to give him the famous “practice” speech.
Striker: Dani Rojas —82 overall, 83 potential
Fútbol is Life! Rojas was a breakout star after Richmond signed him early in their relegation season, scoring the goal which nearly saved them in the final match of the year. Unfortunately, a knee injury resulted in an extended layoff that made it harder for the Greyhound to score goals. While it’s common knowledge that Rojas was largely based on Javier “Chicharito” Hernández, his lovable personality, penchant for goals and unfortunate injury track record runs parallel to Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford (81 overal) among current Premier League players. Rashford and Rojas also each have high skill move abilities and eerily similar ratings across the board, making Rashford an easy addition for this exercise.
Backup midfielder: Richard Montlaur — 77 overall, 77 potential
While he’s a rotational figure for AFC Richmond, Montlaur is a FIFA Career Mode player’s dream. He’s like a poor man’s version of Arturo Vidal in his prime, capable of filling any role on the field in a pinch, but most capable in central midfield. Of course, much of the Frenchman’s character comes from his romantic side, as he had to part with sand from a moonlit tryst with a supermodel in the curse episode. Luckily for us, not only is Liverpool’s Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (77 overall) a multi-faceted squad option, he’s also engaged to Perrie Edwards of Little Mix fame. The Liverpool man is in a different phase of his career, given his injuries in recent years, but his ratings still give him enough spring in his step to fill in across the park. We just aren’t sure if Ox has the same tenacity or pardonable French, but from a pure footballing perspective, it’s a great pick.
Overall Richmond team rating: 78 (81 attack, 79 midfield, 77 defense)
With the rest of the squad composed of faceless counterparts akin to Dixon and Goodman, Ted Lasso’s men come in at a respectable 78 overall rating. For comparison’s sake, that’s tied for the 10th best club in the Premier League, alongside Newcastle and Wolverhampton while rating just above Everton, Crystal Palace and Leeds. Our squad is a close counterpart, with a 79 rating, which is on par with Leicester City and Aston Villa. For scale, Bournemouth props up the Premier League rankings at a 74, while Watford and Burnley top the Championship with a 73 overall.
So just how bad of a manager is Ted Lasso to get a team with this much quality relegated?
Jeff: I have to applaud the show for its approach to realism. So often, fictional soccer content tries to show us that no matter the players or the coach, the main ingredient needed for success is to believe.
Well, the man committed to it. He hung a sign with the key component named for all to see. And they still failed.
Brooks: At first glance, looking at Richmond’s team rating and all of these real-world player equivalents, I wondered how a team with this much quality could get relegated — even if they had no manager at all. But then I looked at the current Premier League table in real life and Leicester City (79) and Wolves (78) are both around/in the relegation zone with FIFA 23 team ratings on par with Richmond’s. Aston Villa are right there too, and their team rating is in the same ballpark (79). So, basically, Steven Gerrard and Brendan Rodgers are no better than Ted Lasso, a man who went to Richmond with zero knowledge of the sport.
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Jeff: Before the season kicked off, we were trying to find Ted’s real life equivalent. Jesse Marsch was a popular pick given his nationality, but none of us, not a single soul, expected it to be Stevie G.
I played a game as Richmond after we made our real-life squad. Once it was clear how much talent they had, I was surprised Lasso’s likeness wasn’t shown facing the wrong direction away from the field, or just staring into the sky with his mouth agape like a domesticated turkey.
Brooks: Well, there are still issues with this Richmond squad that can’t be overlooked. Obviously there is zero depth here, so if any of the starters get hurt you’re in trouble. Plus, as impressive as the strikers are, the backline is definitely on the weaker side. This Richmond team is shipping goals and that always makes relegation a danger.
Jeff: I definitely felt the talent disparity between the front six and back five when I played against Crystal Palace. It hurts to say this, but Kent is an absolute liability in midfield. If he commits at all to a challenge and misses, it’s too easy for an opponent to blow past him. That leaves the back line susceptible to being overloaded, and even for a solid but unspectacular side like Palace, it was easy to put three past Zoreaux.
What struck me about the ratings is how relatively large the gulf is between Richmond and the Championship. A gap of five overall points is sizable — a half-star rating apart. They’re capable of contending for Europe, but they’re also drawing nearly every game to start the year? How is Lasso still in a job?
Brooks: Yeah, again, that’s my unexpected landing point in all of this. Not so much judging Ted Lasso, but very much judging the likes of Gerrard, Rodgers and Marsch. I didn’t think this exercise would prove to be an indictment of real-world Premier League managers more than the fictional one, but here we are.
Jeff: In the U.S., we had a little show called Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? The concept was in the title, making grown adults feel bad for forgetting the cloud unit from fifth grade science. I really want to see Rodgers and Gerrard in a contest to defend their approaches to management. I’m sure Sudeikis can do a convincing Jeff Foxworthy impression — it’s not like he needs to change his facial hair for it.
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Brooks: Jeff, you can’t just give away billion-dollar content ideas like this.
Jeff: It’s not like Apple made another sizable investment in soccer content or anything!
Sure, Scott Parker could win on a rainy Tuesday in Stoke. But could he do any better than Ted Lasso? This Cherries fan doesn’t think so.
(Photo: Frazer Harrison/FilmMagic)
